Lately I have been a little bit out of sorts. A lot is going on in the mist of great loss. It is taking some effort on my part to stay present and more than once I have caught myself holding my breath.
When I was fourteen I was on a swimming team. I remember it was a conflictive activity for me. It was both mystical and terrifying. I was enamored with water. The feeling of buoyancy and silence felt like I was in a magical realm that allowed me to escape my teenage anxiety. Then there was the competition, the exhaustion, the cramps and holding my breath. I never knew what I was going to get. I would either feel the peace and wonder that came with the numbness of doing 20 laps at a comfortable pace or the agitation that came with not being able to keep up. Sometimes it felt like I could easily drown. It was during that time in my life I got a deep appreciation for breathing calmly. Even though it would seem I have forgotten that lesson, many times since, I haven’t. In the end it was my breath that determined whether it would be a wonderful or disturbing experience. Needless to say I wasn’t built for competition. I was built for breathing :).
Today I vow to breathe mindfully. I will try to remember that when things seem hopeless, there is always my breath. And as long as I have that anything is possible .
On day number 3 of my gratitude fest I am thankful for every breath. For every breath that has kept me here, transforming, loving, feeling and learning. If you can breathe you can live, if you can live you can change and if you can change life can be the way you want it to be.
To every breath, may it always bring you closer to the life you want. May every breath be filled with love and gratitude. I wish you many more and the wisdom to make each one worth while.